A stupid poem...

The Mansion I Hope to Own by TTP

It's the mansion,
which I dream to own everyday,
ever since our first encounter,
the first sight,
my first instinct.

It's a common sense for me to know,
that it's one of everybody's dreams,
to find, to meet and to own,
the desirable, ideal house in their dreams,
and so, it never differs for me as well.

"What about the house I own now?" You may asked,
yes, I admit it,
that I had had a dream house,
somehow by chance, somehow by opportunity,
somehow, three years ago.

I still remember, two years ago,
while I was strolling on the avenue,
I saw houses from all walks of life,
which looks ordinary for me, but different for others,
till I saw the mansion.

The feeling wasn't as strong as the first meeting of my house,
but what I can see is,
it's porsh enough,
to captivate anyone's mind,
including me, to own this mansion.

I stood there,
observing this luxurious mansion,
but that time I didn't hope for much,
just a little admiration for it,
since I had my own dream house.

In fact, I know that,
the probability for me to own that house can nearly be zero,
one can imagine,
how popular it can be, like a hot cake among the riches,
not among the poors like me.

I also know that,
even if the apocalypse is here,
I will never had the chance,
to be the master,
of this mansion.

That was my thought,
that was my feeling,
that was my dream,
that was my hope,
that time, that was impossible, till now.

However, nature's power is matchless,
a cruel, feelingless disaster took place,
inflicting the deepest insult in my life,
where I cannot do anything, just knowing that,
nature's still nature, I lost my house.

In return, a chalet is then where I lived,
although it's not what I hoped,
but I still had only Hobson's choice,
to stay in the chalet,
since one year ago.

Not saying that I don't like this chalet,
it is as complete as my old house,
and always trying to fullfill whatever desires of mine,
however, feelings are still feelings,
even if it's comfortable.

This time I can see the mansion everyday,
because my chalet is near to it,
now that my intention to own it,
had grown stronger,
like a fire burning in my soul.

Sitting at the window,
I observed the mansion everyday,
what I see? Children playing around the mansion everyday,
too happy they seem to be,
as if the mansion was an entertainer.

During downpours or lightning storm,
my chalet doesn't seem to have the ability to protect me
from the chilling rain water,
I know I cannot blame it,
it's just a chalet.

My vision moves towards the mansion again,
looking at it,
I can feel the safety,
of staying inside,
providing me a shelter, and act like a solace.

Just to be hyperbolic, (or maybe it's not)
I dream about the mansion everynight,
dreaming that I'm owning it,
I'm owning this great, nice, magnificent,
mansion...

Till one day,
the chance for me has came,
the main gate is left ajar,
and therefore,
I became just like a thief, and sneak into it.

Standing in front of the path,
looking at the front door,
thinking that whether I should make the first move,
to interact,
with the mansion.

Then I walked towards the porch,
I can sense hidden cracks beneath the paths,
but it's looking perfect from the outside,
the trees plated around the mansion,
although it's tall, I can still see the sign of being cut.

I entered the mansion by pushing the creaking door,
and then I put my steps in it,
"Hello?" I spoke,
but what I get is just the soundless ambience,
and darkness, is only what I can see.

I switched on the lights,
everything lit up,
but strangely with a mist in between,
everything's looking blur in it,
but still I can see the whole thing, by heart.

Soon I find out,
this mansion may never had had an owner,
or maybe it has been neglected by an owner, long ago,
this is what the mansion tells me,
from the spider webs all around it.

Then I asked, "How come the outlook is different from the inside?",
not to make people busy about itself,
not to make people worry about itself,
and not to let people harm itself,
it answered into my heart.

I started to explore,
it seems to be a welcoming pleasure to walk inside,
but in bizzare,
I can feel, something is being hidden in this house,
until I saw the cracking of walls, and the stairs to the upstairs.

Standing in front of the stairs,
just looking, not going up,
because of the obstacles purposely being scattered around there,
seems to act as an barricade to stop people from proceeding further,
seems to be saying, "Not everything must be exposed to everyone..."

And then something came across my mind,
I remembered it,
that everyday the children who played around this mansion,
are not the same children,
at least this mansion tries to be fair, to entertain people.

It doesn't want to let any person,
to have the feeling of owning it,
and just because of that,
I understand something,
maybe just something.

Déjà vu hits me that time,
I can feel that,
owning this mansion will then be followed by losing this mansion,
nothing's eternal,
and, this mansion doesn't need a owner, it lives alone.

I know that I will have no rights of cleaning up the debris,
and also to do the repairing all it needs,
because the mansion will do it itself,
the clock inside it,
tells me that time will heal everything.

Perhaps the upstairs,
will be barricaded forever,
what I can do is,
hope that it can clean manage the upstairs,
the inner part of the mansion, itself.

It's not only my wish to own this mansion,
it's also this mansion's will to let me own it,
and therefore if it prefers to be owner-less,
perhaps I should step out,
and maybe, just become one of the children to play outside.

There's a mirror there in the living room,
I stepped forward,
just trying to get a reflection of myself,
but however, I see nothing, just nothing,
I guess... the mansion feels nothing's good within me for it.

I have tried to sweep the floor,
but there is no broom for me to do it,
feeling that I can't help anything,
I switched off the lights,
I returned to my chalet.

Although I saw a girl then,
a teenage girl who is one year older than me,
opened the door and maintained the mansion,
I have nothing to say, I can say nothing,
it's its wish... isn't it?

Now, I believe in chances and opportunity,
in order to own a house.
I learned much from the mansion,
perhaps I should practise it as well,
to learn how to live alone.

While waiting for my dream house to come,
while waiting for my fantasy to come,
this mansion,
although I don't have the chance to own it,
will foreverly stays in my dream......

Written on : 16-6-2004
Last edited on : 18-6-2004

Note: RK, hope you understand what I'm conveying here... I have made my first move although you didn't tell me to do so, do you think I'm acting stupidly? Anyway, even if the result is not as I have expected, I am satisfied enough because I have sound my will to the mansion... And to anyone in this world, this poem is completely having nothing to do with "love" okay?...